I've file>export applet> on my processing sketch, which created an executable jar file that the webserver cannot read.

So I zipped it following the instructions found on various pages above, but no dice...
It would be really cool if I could just get the whole web page to be this awesome processing applet..

" Research is what I do when I don't know what I'm doing."
Excellent tactic!

First: please edit your first post and rewrite the subject using lower case. I can do it but I prefer to ask. Currently, when looking at the list of topic, it looks like you are shouting to attract attention, which is impolite for the other topics...
Thanks.

PS.: The "please clarify" isn't useful in a subject, people are here to ask for help or clarification anyway.
I will move this topic to Integration & Hardware, as it isn't really a programming question. Well, most questions here are programming questions, so we have to classify a bit to tidy the forum...
Have a look at https://forum.processing.org/topic/where-to-place-threads-and-other-forum-practices please.

Swapping my moderator hat with the programmer one...

The PostToWeb / Upload stuff is totally unrelated to the action of putting an applet in a Web page (they are used if the applet wants to put files created by the applet on the server).

JNLP files are not necessary either. They are mostly used to allow a Java desktop application to run without a browser (only the starting phase need to click on the JNLP link).

" I've file>export applet> on my processing sketch, which created an executable jar file that the webserver cannot read."
We cannot guess how you try to use it and what errors you have, if any.

There is no need at all to zip the files.

Processing is supposed to make things simple. If you do File > Export Applet, it ends with an Explorer (on Windows at least) view showing the files it exported: one or more .pde files, a .java file which is the result of the pre-processing of the former, grouping them in a single compilable Java file, a .jar file named after your sketch, an image and an index.html file.
You can upload all these files to your Web server (you can omit the source files, but it is nicer to include them), ideally grouped in the same folder (to avoid any conflict with another index.html, but you can rename the generated file, of course).
The .jar file holds your classes and all the Processing classes needed to run your sketch. (OpenGL sketches are a bit more complex.)
When your visitors load the page, they should see the applet (if they have Java on their computer).

Success!
I realized that my main problem was my hosted online server (interfacing with it directly through its webpage).  It wouldn't recognize any of the files only the index and zip folders, and its been a while so I forgot that I should've used an FTP client like filezilla to upload everything (took less than 3 mins to install that, upload the files, and check the page).
Now I know that the .jar file is important, but all you need is to point to applet folder, not the.jar file, and the .jar creates a page and executes the sketch.

PhiLho thanks for the help, a superb explanation, clarified so much. 
I was really confused as to what to do and you put me on the right track.